I'LL BE OVER YOU

Some people lives their dreams
Some people close their eyes
Some people's destiny
Passes by

There are no guarantees
There are no alibis
That's how our love must be
Don't ask why

It takes some time
God knows how long
I know that I can forget you

CHORUS:
As soon as my heart stops breakin'
Anticipatin'
As soon as forever is through
I'll be over you

Remembering times gone by
Promises we once made
What are the reasons why
Nothin' stays the same

There were the nights
Holdin' you close
Someday I'll try to forget them

CHORUS

[bridge]

As soon as my heart stops breakin'
Anticipatin'
Someday I'll be over you

As soon as my heart stops breakin'
Anticipatin'
Someday I'll be over you

As soon as my heart...

IM COMPLETE, BUT WHY AM I NOT HAPPY? 0221

it’s sunday. my mom’s not around. im alone.

i’m doing nothing and my place is freakin’ messed up. i feel lazy. ewan ko ba..

im watchin’ SOP’s new MESSED-UP TALENTS singing LADY MARMALADE. favorite ko yun, pero nairita ko nung kinanta nung mga babaeng magaganda pero wala namang degree sa pagkanta. dumagdag sa init na nararamdaman ko. bat kaya mainit? oo nga pala. malapit ng mag-summer.

know what? when i woke up around 11AM, di na maganda pakiramdam ko. mabigat. ewan ko kung dahil sobrang TABA ko na talaga. pero, hindi naman siguro. pinipilit ko mag-diet para mejo gumanda naman physical appearance ko.

kausap ko boyfriend ko sa telepono, pero walang kwenta. inaantok ako. di ako masaya pag kausap ko sya. wala ng kilig factor. yun yung pinagtataka ko e. kumpleto ako, pero bakit di ako masaya. meron akong nanay at tatay na binibigay lahat ng gusto ko, may boyfriend ako na mahal na mahal ako. may mga kapatid ako na nandyan pag kailangan ko ng kausap. may mga kaibigan ako na nagpapasaya ng araw ko. pero ewan ko.. parang may kulang.

matagal ko na nararamdaman to eh.. ewan ko talaga. meron bang ibang taong kagaya ko?.. KUMPLETO. PERO HINDI MASAYA.

eto nagpapaikot ng buhay ko.

MONDAY-SATURDAY — nasa school. minsan sinispag ako pumasok. madalas HINDE. napipilit lang ako ng mga kaklase/kaibigan ko. di na ko madalas mag-stay sa “EXTENSION”. ewan ko, di ko na gusto aura dun e. parang routinary kasi, pagbaba ko ng jeep sa umaga, pupunta ko dun. pag walang tao, mag-stay pa onti, pag wala pang dumating papasok ako. pag dating ko ng classroom, nakakaantok. GUSTO KO MAGING DEGREE-HOLDER. pero, tinatamad ako. gusto ko mga PROFESSORS ko, ang cool nga nila e. pero HINDI AKO MASAYA. bakit ba hindi pwedeng maging ka-close yung prof at pumasa. haha. :)) nakakaasar. alam kong bawal yun.. pero nagsasawa na talaga ko. mahal ko professors ko, pero yung subject nila, ewan ko lang.

pagkatapos ng MAHABANG ARAW sa school, tatambay o maglalakad kasama mga kaibigan ko. pag nagkayayaan. minsan, umaalis at pumupunta kung saan.. o nagdedesisyong MAGKALAS-KALAS na.

paguwi ko ng bahay..

Jmhie: ma. nandito na po ako.

Mama: (nagwi-wii/nagla-laptop/nag-ga-garden/nanunuod ng tv) OH. KUMAIN KA NA?

j: opo. bihis lang ako.

..pagtapos magbihis, kakain. kahit na sinabi kong kumain na ko.

m: oh, akala ko kumain ka na. wag mong pabayaan yang pinagkainan mo sa lababo, hugasan mo kagad.

j: opo.

m: kamusta school?

j: OK naman. bored na ko.

m: bored ka na naman?! oh, kelan ka magshi-shift ule?.. (di ko alam kung seryoso to o reverse psychology na lang.)

j: hinde. tatapusin ko na to.

m: hayy jusme. sana nga!

tapos, maghuhugas na ko ng pinagkainan ko, magla-laptop. MAKAKATULOG. tapos, paulit-ulit.
bored na ko. routinary na masyado buhay ko.

pag kasama ko naman boyfriend ko, di ako masaya. AS IN HINDE. alam nya yun. sinasabi ko sakanya, pero ayaw namin magkalayo kami. mahal ko naman sya, pero di ako masaya. sabi nga nya, baka daw dahil ganun para may masabing boyfriend ako, pero hindi naman. ayaw kong break kami. ayaw ko lang na magkausap, magkasama kami madalas. nagsasawa ako. andami nyang bibibigay, di naman ako natutuwa. madalas, thank u na lang nasasabi ko. anhirap no?

hayy nako.. ewan ko. di ko alam kung hindi ko na sya MAHAL. iniisip ko kung totoo yung pananaw nya na baka kaya ayaw ko syang mawala, para may masbing boyfriend ako, kung sya naman tatanungin mo, ayaw nya talagang mawala ako. answeet no? pero hindi ako kinikilig. hindi talaga.

sino ba pwedeng mag-explain ng nararamdaman ko?

abnormality ba to? jusko. wag naman sana.
antaba-taba ko na. lalo pa kong umitim kaka-lakwacha. hayy.. :(( wala ng nangyayaring improvement sa buhay ko..

TUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNGGGGGGG!!

I AM SUPPOSED TO BE FINE NOW.. 0218

have you experienced loving someone and frankly told you that they dont like you back?..

have you tried TELLING SOMEONE how insensitive they are and answered you “it’s better to be insensitive than to SHOW YOU that I LOVE YOU BACK.”?

have you ever GIVE THE WORLD to someone who doesnt even know how to appreciate every thing you give?..

well, if the answers are “YES”. better stop lovin’ that person.

i am supposed to be OK now. i know i dont have anything to expect. i’m HIS friend. and I AM SUPPOSED TO BE FINE with that. everything’s normal. everything’s already in their normal places again, and I LOVE WHAT’S HAPPENIN.

but.. just right after I’VE FINALLY DECIDED TO FORGET WHAT I’M FEELING. i’ve fell asleep.. i’ve dreamed about him, and AGAIN.. the feeling was PRESENT. it really hurts. and i’m wonderin why am i dreamin about how he laughs, how he cried, how he walk, how he do everything. I HATE IT. i am hurtin’.. but this time, ONLY ME KNOWS. (ofcourse, unless you’ve read my blog. eto lang outlet ko e. eto lang yung hindi nagre-react.) i wasn’t able to tell my friends about what happened, sinabi ko na sa kanila na magmo-move on na ko. kasi i’m hurting like hell. they believed me. kawawa naman EGO ko, bugbog na bugbog na siya. di nya na nga alam kung pano pa sya lulusot sa mga promises na di ko nagagampanan. kawawa.

… i dunno what happened to my old self, umalis na sya. yung dating strong, naging weak. yung dating may sariling decision, naging dependent. yung dating nabubuhay kahit mag-isa, ngayon, di na kaya. yung dating NEVERBEENINLOVE, ayon.. INLAB NA INLAB. arggghhh!! kelan kaya sya babalik?.. OMG. im DYING. i cant go on in a day na di ko sya nakakasama..

oh yea. here’s another confession. last week, birthday ng friend namin. i am not planning to go near him. (pero, i did go near him. i cant help it. hinahatak ako ng sarili ko na lumapit sakanya.) but this time, lumabas pagiging STRAIGHT-FORWARD KO. eto sinabi ko.

Jmhie: alam mo, gusto ko na lumayo sayo e. pwede ba lumayo ka na lang?.. kasi, nahihirapan na ko e.

whoever: bakit?..

J: eh mahirap na nga sa pakiramdam. insensitive ka kasi. *i pushed him away*

W: *he pulled me back* wag mo na kasi ko mahalin, masasaktan ka lang.

J: ano bang alam mo sa nararamdaman ko?.. wala naman di ba?..

W: akala mo lang wala kong alam, pero alam ko lahat.

J: alam mo naman pala.. *in the corner of my mind: just let me LOVE you, im not expecting anything in return. swear!*

…madami pang nangyari, madami pang nasabi. pero, NAKALIMUTAN KO NA. KINALIMUTAN KO. kasi masakit. sobrang sakit.

i dunno where to start. i want to forget everything. pero, i want our friendship to stay. pano?.. wala akong idea. wala. pano makakalimutan?.. kung lagi kayong magkasama, sudden change naman ata kung bigla kong lalayo. ampanget. ang bitter ng dating. kapag kinaibigan ko naman girlfriend nya, amplastik ng dating. pero, i want to be her girl’s friend. sobrang gusto ko, pero mangyayari lang siguro yun pag WALA na talaga feelings ko.

anhirap na, sobrang hirap na hirap na ko. i’m always VOCAL about what i’m feeling, but AS I SAID, HE CHANGED ME ALOT. sino-solo ko na lang. hayyy.. mahal kita. gusto ko na nga banggitin pangalan mo e, pero.. ayaw kitang mapahiya. i know i’m not the girlfriend type. tropa lang talaga ko pwede. taken naman ako. pero, ikaw nasa isip ko. hayy.. :((

i am SUPPOSED to be FINE now. pero pano?.. i cant LIVE without your presence.
ily,gbu.

i thought it was OVER.

he needs a friend.. and he's really in need of FRIEND'S WARM HUG.

he asked for it. i gave him a BEAR HUG..

i thought, IT WAS OVER.
but then, when i hugged him and felt he's cryin..

OMFG! why on EARTH my heart's palpitating so fast?!

i cried. i secretly cried.. for god's sake.. i dont know why!! walanghiya.

I THOUGHT.. I ALWAYS THOUGHT. I WAS SOO OVER HIM. pero, ANDUN PA RIN YUNG LINTEK NA FEELING.

AYAW AKO TANTANAN!!

"HAYAAN MO NA LANG.."

that is the word i keep on hearing until i go home from school.

well.. my friends told me to just GO WITH THE FLOW.

idk. life isn't kind to me this past few days.

everyone knows that I'M FREAKIN' GAGA OVER THIS GUY. (oh my. i'm sorry. yes. until now.)

why on earth im still asking if i'm important to him?
why am i still expecting him to give me attention?
why am i still goin GAGA over him?
gawwwrrrddd!!

ewan ko ha?.. pero, i keep on insisting myself that i've finally moved on. pero, tingin ko.. HINDI PA TALAGA. ang gulo!!

kanina, we're planning for another sleepover here at my place. our friend asked him if he can go. ewan ko kung nagpapapilit lang sya or he really mean it.. ayaw nya sumama. for the first time, na-bother tuloy ako kung bakit. andaming pumasok sa isip ko, like, naiilang na sya sakin, naiirita na sya sakin or pinipigilan na sya ng kung sino man na sumama samin. ewan. pero, isa lang naramdaman ko nung sinabi nya yun.. I WAS HURT.
kasi, he can say na
"ayoko, kasi may gagawin ako.",
"di pwede kasi nagpapa-good shot ako."
ok lang sana, kung ganun yung binitawan nya..

hindi e. ganito.. "hindi naman laging pwede e. dun ako magsleepover kila *********. kung gugustuhin ko naman, pwede. nasakin yung desisyon."

so what are those words for?! nananadya ba sya?! OMG. and to think, na nandun ako. *my tears really want to burst out, pero wala na. ubos na.*

i talked to my better friend. sabi nya, "hayaan mo na lang. habang pinapansin mo, lalo kang masasaktan, di ba sabi ko naman sayo, HINDI KA IMPORTANTE SA KANYA. i can feel it."
(eto ang problema sa friend ko na to, straight-forward. di nya inisip na nasasaktan ako. lol)

paulit-ulit nyang sinabi yun. feeling ko, lalo lang bumigat pakiramdam ko. :( lalo lang nagkaron ng lamat yung puso ko. an-corny ko. hayyy!!]

ayaw ko na.

i want to forget you. pero, gusto ko maitago friendship natin.

sana, makicooperate ka. hahayaan ko lang.. hahayaan ko lang. :(

NEW STUFFS for a NEW ME. :D

i've been looking for a blog site that's totally USER-FRIENDLY.

i'm not really used to use complicated sites, it makes me feel so lazy and not interested of blogging stuffs. it gives me a hard time.

good thing is, i found an ALL-NEW WORLD BLOGGING for me. :D

so, as of now.. i'll just keep the post comin'.. :D