MANINIRA. :)

..nuon pa, bata pa lang ako.. natatandaan kong pagkakakilala sakin ng mga kaibigan ko ay "nakakatawa".. ewan ko. talagang nature ko na yun e.. madalas, ako yung nagpapabuhay sa barkadahan. masaya sila pag wala ako, pero MAS masaya kung andun ako.. madami akong kaibigan, dito sa naralla, sa tone, sa dibayn, sa fatima, sa asas, sa GSIS at sa lahat ng lugar na napupuntahan ko.. meron! sigurado yun..

syempre, hindi maiiwasan na may maiinis sa ugali ko. kasi nakakaasar na minsan.. alam ko yun. di naman ako maganda e. para matuwa sila lagi.. :)

pero recently, meron akong na-encounter sa aspeto ng pagiging KAIBIGAN. ewan. yurak na yurak ang buong pagkatao ko.. buti na lang, may mga tao pa ding concern sakin at ayaw ako gawing TANGA. :)

sobrang nasaktan yung ego ko. sobrang galit. sobrang pagtatanong kung bakit. sobrang emosyon!
madaming sinabi tungkol sakin ang isa sa mga tinuring kong kaibigan.. ewan ko. di ko maintindihan.. di ko mainitindihan kung bakit nya ko kailangan ganunin. kung ano yung ganunin? madami. madaming bagay.. madami din syang kasamang gumawa nun..

oo.. mali ako. sa isang MALIIT. as in, maliit na bagay. sabi nya, AKO DAW ANG MASAMA. AKO DAW ANG MALI. AKO DAW ANG NON-SENSE. AKO DAW ANG SUMISIRA NG TROPA. dahil yun ang perception nya sa mga bagay2, ok. tinanggap ko. mabigat man, tinanggap ko.

eto na ang kwento.. nagsimula ito sa text na galing sa bespren ko, na sinend nya sa taong MABAIT at MARUNONG MAGPAKUMBABA.. dahil sa cellphone ko ang gamit ng bespren ko, ayun. naging sigurado ako na madadamay ako sa away nila.. ganun sya, simula't sapul. madalas syang mandamay. hindi ko alam. pero sabi nya, ako daw ang madalas idamay sya sa galit ko. hayyy!! moving on.. nagpalitan sila ng salita. nagpalitan ng sama ng loob at ang SUBJECT ng KATEXT NG BESPREN ko ay: ang MASAMANG AKO. habang ang bespren ko naman ay: ang PUNTO NG BREEDING AT KUNG PANO NYA IPINAPAKITA SA TAO NA KAYA NYA ANG LAHAT NG TAO SA MUNDO. MATAPANG SYA. nakuha ko ang punto ng bespren ko, wala syang binalik na nakaraan kagaya ng pagkakapaliwanag ng kaibigan ko nuon. natapos ang palitan ng text.. nagpaalam ako, umuwi at BOOM! ayun na nga.. GALIT NA GALIT sya sakin, ayon sa kaibigan ko na isa pa. (tama! madaming nadamay. di ko alam kung bakit.)
..tinawagan kasi daw sya nung taong yun. at dito ko nalaman ang mga bagay kagaya ng:

• gusto ko ako ang bida sa tropa. *ang sagot ko: oo, gusto ko ako. pero hinde bilang leader ng tropa, GUSTO KO AKO ANG NAKAKATAWA. that's what i meant by that. ako ang hinahanap pag may lakad, dahil sa mga kakatawanang ibinibigay ko.
• hanggang ngayon, ako pa din ang SUSPECT sa pekeng cheap na account sa friendster na nagsabi ng kung ano-anong bagay sa kanila.. at ang nagbigay ng idea: ang KAPATID ko. :) take note: nung gabing yun ko lang nalaman kung sino talaga ang nagbigay ng idea sa mga tropa ko. *kahit kelan, hinde ako gumawa ng mga bagay na CHEAP. kahit kelan, HINDE. bakit ako? dahil sa past love interest ko ang mga nasa picture. PUTANGINANG RAIIN LOCSINA yan!
• nilalait ko DAW ang bawat bahay na pupuntahan ko. *kahit kelan, hindi ko lalaitin ang bahay ng mga kaibigan ko. dun ako tumutuloy pag may kailangan ako, dun ako natutulog pag nagigipit ako. dun ako tinatanggap ng tao. kilala ko ng bawat magulang nyo. siguro naman, hinde nila hahayaan na maging kaibigan nyo ang taong kagaya
• bumalik ako sa tropa para sirain sya. *hahahaha!! yan ang nakakatawa. bakit? pag nasira kita? yayaman ba ko? mamahalin ba ko ng tao na gusto kong mahalin ako pag nagawa ko yun?! sino nagbigay sayo ng ideya?!
• sinulsulan ko ang bespren ko, para awayin sya. *bakit kita sisiraan kung nuon pa man, sira ka na sa bespren ko. :) di ko na ka kailangan gawin yung paninira. kasi bago ko pa makita yung kasiraan sayo. nakita na ng bespren ko yun.
• sinungaling DAW ako. *oo! bakit? ikaw? buong buhay mo? di mo ba nasubukang magsinungaling. ako nagsisinungaling para maisalba sarili ko. ikaw? anong pagsisinungaling ginawa mo? hinde ba mas matindi pa?? bakit yung kasalanan nung ISA MONG KAIBIGAN? alam mong may asawa at anak sya, di ba? alam mu yun. bakit hinde mo sinabi yun sa nanay ko? nakokonsensya ka sa ginawa ko? kaya mo sinabi yung PEKE KONG SCHEDULE? bakit? ilang taong apektado sa pagtatakip mo sa kaibigan mong may karelasyon na iba bukod sa asawa nya? hindi lang isa o dalawa. diba?! isa pa, nilaglag mo ko sa nanay ko, dahil sumusobra na ko? kung sumusobra na ko, sana sinabi mo. kasi kaya kong ayusin gusot ko, nang hindi humihingi ng tulong sa taong kagaya mo!
• at ang ikinakagalit ko sa lahat, TUMITIRA DAW AKO NG PATALIKOD. tandaan mo 'to: hindi lang ikaw ang matapang sa mundo. at hindi lahat ng katapangan: nakukuha sa tapang ng mukha at lakas ng boses. tandaan mo din na kahit kelan, hindi ako nagparinig sa mga kaaway ko, kung napapansin mo. kung nagawa ko man yun, nahawa ako sa putanginang ugali mo. kasi... kaya kong lumaban. yun nga lang, ang akin.. NASA LUGAR.
• oo. mahirap ako kalaban. sobrang hirap. tahimik ako kumilos. at alam kong nasa TAMA ako. :) madami pa syang sinabi. di ko na idedetalye, kasi ang nonsense!

yung side mo? na madami akong sinasabi tungkol sayo? ayan na. yung mga sinabi ko sa yo. sagot lang yun sa mga sinasabi mo. di ba andami mong sinabi na hindi ko alam? nakakatawa. sino ngayon ang nangbackstab?! SINO?!

..sana nga. sana nga, para sa ikabubuti ng lahat yung ginawa mo. wag kang magdrama na aalis ka sa tropa, dahil wala ng tropa ngayon. dahil sayo. sinira mo.

WHATEVVSSS!!

ewan ko.. malabo.

bigla kong naisip na ganito.

masakit eh.. pero tingin ko, kailangan kong gawin 'to..

sobrang affected ako e.. pero, i have to LET GO of this. kasi it is really NOT WORKING.

sobrang yun yung tamang salita..

oo, masyado kong naging trying hard na maging kami. i actually felt like i've insisted this thing.
wala naman syang pakielam e.
magalit ako o hinde, AS IF HE WILL CARE.. kaya nga, i dont bother GETTIN MAD at him. kasi, i'm so sure.. WALA LANG YUN.

ok. pumasok ako sa relasyon para MASABING, I GOT WHAT I WANTED.
at kung malaman ng circle of friends ko.. "huwow jmhie! fabuloso!"

pero HINDE e. mahal ko sya. mahal na mahal. malaki utang na loob ko sakanya, mabait sya. minsan nagagampanan nya. pero KULANG. minsan, i'm thinking if ako ang mali.. oo siguro. pero DAAAAMMNNN!!! i just dont feel ANYTHING from him. as in like.. OK. KAMI. PERIOD. oha!

walang spice. walang buhay. wala lahat. badtrip.

sana, nararamdaman nya kung ano feeling ko ngayon. my gawd! it's 1AM. i have class at 7am. and i am sure i will fuckin mess my day again later. GO MISS CLUMSY!

awts. LORD! give me a sign. i love him, but i can't really call him mine! :(

i HAVE the THING. but not his HEART.

it's all set. we're together.
we finally set things up.
we're now on our second week.

but, we're NOT LEGAL.

not legal because..
*our friends doesn't know everything.
*we don't want it to be publicized..
*we think it will be AGAINST THE ODDS..

IT'S NOT NORMAL. really.

idk why.

it's just like, it's my first time to be like on this situation.
not legal.
not show off.
not LIKE we're ON.

it's awkward. right?

wuukkii.. here's my point.

yea. it's a SECRET. but, why is it like IT'S NOTHING. NOTHING at all.
secret is like there's a sensitive case of a stuff. a big stuff. and IT MUST HAVE SOMETHING ON IT. but, why is it like it's NOTHING?!

gawddd!! i dont know now. i cant get my point.

i want to end this but i dont want to lose someone so special to me.

IT'S NOT WORKING. that's the whole point.
NOTHING'S GOIN ON.

if i'll stop this thingy here. for sure, even our friendship will be messed up. :(

what am i gonna do?!

...urgh.. soo complicated now.. can anyone post a comment here?!

READY? GET SET. GO JMHIE!

i've finally decided stuffs and finally made up my mind.

i will AGAIN let go of the feelings i have..

i don't know if i tried it that HARD. i just don't want to pursue this feeling
cuz i know, i know.. it will FREAKIN HURT ME AGAIN.. just like what had happen before..

but this time, this time.. no reasons at all. i just want to LOVE MYSELF. and for once, not to HURT her anymore, for like a HUNDRED of TIMES now..

i don't see things NEGATIVELY between HIM and ME.
but others do.

so, better live the FEELINGS i have rather than LOSING people who gives me HAPPINESS everyday.

LOVE is taking risk.
like:
i told him i LOVE him, he didn't answer back but put our conversation to other stuffs, but didn't say that I SHOULD STOP. (that makes me think, it's not negative.)
i'm showing him how much i care. he appreciate things but NOT that showy to tell. (i bet.)
he cares, but again.. HE'S NOT THAT SHOWY. but i think he actually do. (i bet.)
geeee.. GOT SOO MANY THINGS THAT KEEPS ME FEELING THIS WAY.

but then again, i'm setting things straight. stayin' here all by myself. i guess, not showing up will help me do my thing.. :)

*oiaf: very big thanks to my friends who gave advices. :) i soo LUUURRRVVV u guys. :)

talong na may alamang! (BEST SUMMER VACATION EVER!)

it's been months since my mother told me to go and find where i will be happy..

and after a month of searching through life ironies, i found myself coming back to my family's company..

i found myself going home.

where everyone understands my tantrums, my crazy moves, my loud laugh, my outspoken voice, my baby fats, and everything i am.

..within a month, i also found out who is really my friends, my foes, my acquaintances..

i also found out that i can do things i dont usually do.

and i realized that THANK YOU isn't enough for all the people who gleefully accepted me.

..P.O.T. -- i must say, they're the BEST gang in town. :)

->they actually made me PRACTICAL. haha! parang ganito, hindi ako kumakain ng gulay! swear. it's so gross. (omg! swear! kahit baliktarin ako ng mama ko, hindi talga ko kumakain nun. kahit itanong nyo sa mga taong kilala ako.) pero.. siguro mga a couple of weeks ng pagalis ko sa bahay, dahil sa pakikisama at dahil na din siguro sa excellent motivation nila na i-try ko lang.. my gawd!! napakain nila ko..
here's some:

• talong na may alamang.

>>ok sobrang ayoko ng talong at ayoko ng alamang dahil sa allergies ko na malupet. as in, posibleng di ako mahinga, lalo akong mamaga at ang worst case scenario: madala ako sa hospital, it happened once. so i was so freakin scared. pero, i really wanna try and POOF!! my goodness. sobrang sarap!! that night i had few rashes at my back.. fcuk! 'twas so itchy but i chose not show them. baka isipin nila, sobrang arte ko.

• KALABASA!!

>> as i said, i hate veggies. it makes me sick! pero dahil, i have to get used to it.. :) nasarapan na naman ako.

• idagdag mo pa dito ang LUMPIANG TOGUE ni TITA LOLET.

>>WOW!! the best! lalo na yung suka na may sibuyas and everything.. sobrang sarap!! thank u tita lolet!!

pero, actually.. naiisip kong hindi sila naniniwala na hindi ako kumakain ng veggies dahil sobrang healthy ko.. PROMISE!! sobrang nahirapan ako sa mga pinakain nyo. pero dahil kasama ko kayo..

GAWD! ANG FOODS SA 5-STAR HOTEL.. TALBOG SA CUISINE NYO!! :D

bukod sa malupet na foods. syempre.. may malupet na TROPAHAN DUN.

at first, di ko inisip na pwede kaming MAGING TIGHT na parang isang pamilya. kasi sila e. may diskriminasyon yung taga-naralla at taga-tibeg. :) ooppss.. kami lang ang may alam neto. :D basta, sa vicinity to parehas ng amparo. madami kaming EXPERIENCE na malulupet. at hinde ito madali, pero i must say IT'S A HELL LOT OF FUN!!

• matulog ng OA sa sikip- dahil nga tight kami, gusto namin tabi2 kami hanggang sa pagtulog.
• nahawaan sila ng insomnia ko. - ewan ko ha? pero tingin ko, di sila late matulog.. nagsimula lang to nung ininvade naming mga taga-naralla yung tibeg. di ako sure dito. pero grabe! ayos sa food trip. ansaya!!
• kumain na parang isang pamilya- sobrang ONCE-IN-A-BLUEMOON mangyari sa pamilya ko to. kasi may work si kuya, may family si ate, wala si papa, busy si mama, playful si bayo.. so we barely have a chance na magsama-sama sa dining table.. pero DITO SA HAUS NI KUYA! my god!! as in, wala kameng pakielam kung anong ginagawa mo, basta SABAY-SABAY TAYO KUMAIN!!!
• naranasan ko din na WAG LUMABAS NG BAHAY for almost a month..- kasi 'twas so close from my place, so BAWAL! sobrang common ng mukha ko dun.
• MA-INLAB. haha!!- ohyea! pero it didn't work out well. sayang!
• magkaron ng iba't-ibang klase ng kaibigan.. -gusto ko sila isa-isahin.. kasi lahat sila, sobrang bait, sobrang parang antagal na namin magkakasama at sobrang ansaya.. ambait nilang lahat! sobra. si ate ushang, kuya bob, vhernon, vharet, vandeil, athan, bert, joel, joel v., bry, joseph, coln, izy, tita lolet, tito eyot, tito buknoy, mami dorai, venice.. basta. andae namin. di ko lam kung pano ko magte-thank you. pero PROMISE!! nagpapasalamat ako sa mga nagyaya sakin na sumali sa volleyball league, kahit hindi ako nakalaro! haha!! :D
• chin-ai, shanghai, chunai.. -HUWOW!! ang kontrobersyal! at kung bakit?! secret!!
• AT ANG DI KO MAKAKALIMUTAN SA LAHAT:

ANG MALUPET NA CHISMIS NA DUMATING BAGO KO BUMALIK SA BAHAY NAMIN. NAKAKALOKA!! SWEAR!! AHAHAHAYYYY!!

thank you wouldn't be enough para sa mga kindness na pinakita nyo. pero IN TIME. babawi ako. swear!! :D salamat ng bonggang-bongga sainyo. :D

sana, magkaibigan pa rin tayo. kahit natapos na yung league. :)

and.. CONGRATULATIONS sa CHAMPIONS!!

GO PUROK 6!! SEE YOU NEXT SUMMER LEAGUE! :D

*BUZZ!!* i've been wrong AGAIN!!

..and again, IT HAPPENED. :(

ewan ko ba, why do i keep on expecting?

kahit na, plenty of people told me things like,

- "ano ba tingin mo?.. maganda ka?"

- "gaga.. antabataba mo! magpapayat ka!"

- "ohwwss? kayo?.. alam nya ba?.."

annoying din minsan, di ba?..

i admit, i introduce myself to everybody na.. BUONG PAGKATAO KO, JOKE.

pero, alam ba ng mga taong yun na....

...minsan, i can be serious.

...minsan, naghahanap din ako ng attention..

...na minsan sa buhay ko, naghahanap ako ng MAGMAMAHAL sakin?..

well, i've been INLOVED for like a HUNDRED OF TIMES..

usually, i end up CRYING, HURTING AND LEAVED HOPELESS.

yung parang feeling ko, di na ko makaka-move on..

pero, as time passes by.. I USUALLY TEND TO HELP MYSELF..

i mean, sino pa bang makakatulong sakin, kundi sarili ko lang..

i am LOVED ONLY BY MYSELF.

ok.. MOVING ON.

INLOVE uli ako..

..as usual, NAG-ASSUME ako na HE'S FEELIN THE SAME WAY.

well, mabait sya sakin. sabi nga ng mga old-long-time-friends nya,

ako lang DAW ang trineat nya ng ganun..

saka, naisip ko, he's in 30's na.. so, no room for fooling around.

kanina.. nagkayayaan mag"ALAY-LAKAD"..

it was my idea and supposedly, it was my first time to go there.

ok.. PLANADO NA ANG LAHAT, SASAMA KO, SASAMA SYA.

kaya lang, kumontra kuya ko.

"WAAAGGG!! DELIKADO DUN!!"

aww.. gumuho mundo ko.

nagtext ako, di ako sasama.. wag ka na din sumama.

di naman sya nagreply.. :(

nanghingi ako ng SIGN, pag punta ko sakanila at hindi sya sumama POSITIVE. pag sumama sya, NEGATIVE.

eh sumama sya.. so, NEGATIVE!!

ayyy!! EWAN! mali na naman ako.

pakinggan nyo tong kantang to:

SOMEBODY TO LOVE-QUEENS :)

SAKTO SAKEN!

THERE'S NO GOODBYES. IT'S ALWAYS SEE YOU LATER.

Yesterday (March 26, 2009 Thursday),
I went to school to get my classcards. I am expecting "RED-MARKED-FAILING-GRADES".

WELL, I feel nervous for my GRADES, because I AM SO SURE ABOUT IT.. Last semester was the most WORST SEMESTER in ASAS, so far. I don't usually go to class, I go to school late, my professors always caught me on the act cutting my classes, for short.. I WAS A LAZY DUMB ASS.

Last 3 weeks, our vacation already start. And those past few weeks, I was uneasy.. WHY? Because my MOM always ask me WHEN will I get my grades?.. I'm always answering her "IDK!", or "CAN WE GET IT ON ENROLLMENT DAY NA LANG?"

Until, March 25, Wednesday came.. My sister who just graduated, got her GRADES. She showcased it to my MOM.. And ofcourse, I was interrogated. I got nothing to do. I KNOW THIS WILL HAPPEN : "GAWWDD! I'M GOIN TO GET MY GRADES TOMORROW!"

Ok. Thursday came.. I woke up early, called my friends and told them I'm goin to get my grades, LUCKILY, they are goin there too.

At school, as usual, I AM LATE. (Well, IT'S BETTER LATE THAN.... ABSENT, RIGHT?)
Assyrie & Jobel was there, I am expecting that Bob and Menard are also there but I WASN'T ABLE TO HAVE SOME CATCH UP WITH THEM BECAUSE I WAS LATE. and OH! it was MENNARD'S BIRTHDAY. Ok. Moving on...

When I arrived at school, it was LUNCHBREAK, so I asked Assy if she already got her grades and YES! She was disappointed. She has 1INC. That's it. And SHE'S FREAKIN DISAPPOINTED. LAME ASSY. And me, on the other hand.. I AM NOW FREAKIINNN NERVOUS, ADVANCELY UPSET, DISAPPOINTED.. Kasi, si Assy may INC! Pano pa ko?!
It's 12:45PM, Mrs. Villamil isn't there at the office yet.. 12:50.. 1:00..

1:28PM, Mrs. Villamil (DEAN of BSBA Dept.) is already there. Ok. I knocked the door, walked inside and..... GO JMHIE!

JMHIE: "Ma'am Good Afternoon po, kuwain ko lang sana grades ko."
*she looked at me and smiled*
MRS. VILLAMIL: "Oh, Ms. Favorito, how's your vacation?"
J: "Ok naman po."
*i smiled, while ma'am dean is looking for my grades."
M.V.: "Here!"
*i signed the logbook*
*saw my classcards at the top of her desktop's monitor*
J: "Thank you, Ma'am!"
M.V.: "Welcome."

I saw my grades and YELLED with a glee on my heart..
"YEEEEYYY!! WALA AKONG BAGSAK!!"

here are my grades:

FILI2 -- 2.5

MINVT -- 3.0 (yea. pasang-awa!)

ENGL2 -- 2.25

MNGT1 -- 2.0

GENSO --2.50

PHMAN -- 2.75

COMP2 -- 2.0

NSTP2 -- 1.75

OMG! I PASSED! I REALLY PASSED. NEXT SEM, I'LL BE A SOPHOMORE! ICBI!!

Well, I'll be so BAD, if I wouldn't acknowledge my LOVING PROFESSORS who are now LEAVING US to face a new PHASE of their CAREERS. Eventhough, some of them leaved a word like, "Yaan nyo, di namin kayo iiwan hangga't di kayo grumagraduate." WE UNDERSTAND. :)

Sir Ken, THANKS for bein' like a brother to me. :) I know you know how THANKFUL I am to be one of your students and friend. :) Thanks for the advices and stuffs. Really much appreciate it.

Sir Cesar, THANK YOU for CRACKIN' DOUBLED-MEANING JOKES. :) I know I wasn't a good student. Sayang, 'di ko naibigay BEST ko sa subject mo. Actually, I didn't do anything, pero you still gave me considerations. Thank you po. SOBRA!

Ginoong RR, MARAMING SALAMAT sa pagbibigay ng mga salita at kwento na kahit kailan ay hindi malilimutan.. Katulad ng "HALAMANG-DAGAT", "YELLOW BELL", "SANTA BUTSIKI" at madami pang iba. :) SALAMAT PO, sa pagiging isang MABAIT NA GURO at MABUTING KAIBIGAN. :)

Sir Eric, SALAMAT AT NASILAYAN KO ANG KAGWAPUHAN MO. Nakakabaliw man ang MATH of INVESTMENT, mas NABALIW AKO SAYO SIR. Haha! Joke lang. :)

and LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST,

Prof. Ramoncito Onia, A MILLION THANK YOU will NOT BE ENOUGH para PASALAMATAN KA. Thank you po sa pagiging PATIENT samin.. LALO NA SAKIN. Sa mga SERMON na kahit kailan di ko makakalimutan. Sa mga salitang TAGOS sa PUSO. Sa pagiging DADDY O. sa lahat ng ORAS. Sa pagsuporta sa amin sa lahat ng bagay at oras.. And most of all, the thing I wouldn't forget.. FOR BELIEVING IN ME, FOR LETTIN ME KNOW THAT I CAN OUTSHINE AND FOR LETTING ME FEEL THAT I AM NOT STUPID, as what others told me before. :) THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

Bein' ONE of YOUR STUDENTS, is the LUCKIEST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN. :)

so, PROFESSORS.. WAY TO GO! =)

keep in touch po. :)

GRUDGES.

it's 7 o'clock in the morning and I have this feeling again.

my mom hates me, even my 2 brothers. :( what is so wrong with them?

well. yea.. i admit.. i come home late, i stupidly answer back to them.. i never do chores. I DONT HAVE ANYTHING TO SHARE HERE. i just feel lazy this past few days. there's something in me that is WRRRROOONNNGGG!!

urgh! why cant they understand?.. i need family right now. desperate times. i'm moving on to something. i have to let go of something.. and they know everything about it. :( why?..

this morning i have soo much mixed FEELINGS:

* CONFUSED.
* IRRITATED.
* BIPOLAR.
* FRUSTRATED.
* UPSET.
* BETRAYED.
* SAD.
* BORED.
* HAPPY.
* EXCITED.

... so, can somebody explain that?..

JERAMEE FAVORITO y ADAME

who i really am..

-strong ego.

-lame personality.

- loud chic.

- friends-centered.

- uber-inlove

- love to be loved.

- prententious at time.

- naughty.

- good adviser.

- great listener.

-cry baby.

the girl you'd ALL LOVE TO HATE.

i'm a freak.

im vain.

i dont get insecure. :)

love to laugh,

love to hate.

messin up with me, is like goin in HELL.

im not just a NUTS, im the best NUTS in town.

half jamaican, pure hottie.

sensuality isnt my style.

single ang kickin'..

love my bitches.. bru.has & koopers..

nice & naughty.

great companion

real friend.

never tried backstabbing.

hate hypocrites.

positive thinker.

wat u see is what you get.amazing. :)

pretty.

DELICIOUSLY CHHUUBBBYY.. :)

i love conversation.

sarcastic.

frank.

extraordinary.

can know people in seconds.

loves strong aura.

hard to know.

hates arguments.

real hottie.

loves white & black.

likes foods.

chill. chill. chill..

coffee..

boys..

likes gadgets.

loves my dad and mom..

fun-loving.

.amBITCHous. =)

and

THANKFUL FOR EVERYTHING.

that's how i know myself..

people might hate me, people might LOVE me.

still, I AM SO PROUD BEIN' ME. :)

call me conceited or whatever.. BUT LIFE WILL BE GREAT IF SOMEONE LIKE ME, CROSS YOUR WAY. :)

ask my mom.. you'll get a hell'a fun. :)

now you are back together. :)

well. i've heard the HEARTbreaking NEWS again. :) now, my friends can call me STUPID. :) haha.

i haven't felt this way before. ewan ko, parang everytime na ganito.. mas masakit.. parang "HABANG TUMATAGAL, LALONG SUMASARAP." but in my case, "HABANG TUMITINDI YUNG NARARAMDAMAN, LALO LANG SUMASAKIT."

idk. bakit kaya ayaw maalis nung feelings ko? is it because he still NEEDS me? i still have MISSION to accomplish?.. ewan ko. SOBRANG NASASAKTAN NA AKO. numb na ko.

anyway, i feel happy pa rin naman whenever i'm with him. totoo nga 'ata yung knwento sakin ng friend ko na, usually, ang LAST na pagsasama nyo yung pinaka-masaya. pinaka-memorable. :) so far, LAST SATURDAY was the BEST. :)

i wouldnt say that I'LL LEAVE HIM. I'LL REFUSE HIM. hinde na ganun kasi, hindi ko naman nagagawa.. nagmumukha lang akong sinungaling.. OK. ganito.. I'LL ALWAYS BE HERE. kagaya ng dati.. i'll remain your friend. :) pag kailangan mo ko, nandito lang ako. nandito lang kaming lahat para sayo.

oha.. siguro, last night will be the last time na iiyak ako para sayo. :) prraaammmiisss!! :)


hayy.. HOW CAN SOMETHING SO WRONG FEELS SO RIGHT?..

i really wanted to help.

last monday, i went to the mall shopping with my mom and my good friend. i bought two pair of shoes and a two pair of flipflops.. the flipflops i bought weren't for me, it's for my friend and for ANOTHER FRIEND. :)

the next day, it's our final exam.. and im quite excited to give him the FLOPS, "hainavasia".. yea. imitation of havaianas. :) it really makes me laugh, so i bought it, for him.

but, it's already 11AM, he's not still around, IT'S OUR FINAL EXAM, i realized.. bakit kaya wala pa sya?.. syempre, di ako makatiis na hindi magtanong.. ayon.. DI PA PALA SYA NAKAKABAYAD. i dunno. pero biglang naging mabigat aura ko.. siguro kasi, if i were in his place.. gaganahan mga magulang ko na pagaralin ako. he's so active in class, lahat ng requirements complete. lahat ginagawa nya, LAHAT FULL EFFORT. pero, ako?.. wala man lang ka-effort-effort. :( i cried. ewan ko, kasi, siguro, may impact yung nangyari sakanya sakin. my mom always tell me and my siblings a phrase like this: "tgnan nyo, andaming mga taong gusto makapagaral.. pero dahil wala silang pera, wala. kahit na may abilidad pa sila.. anse-swerte nyo pa nga."

i tried to lend money from my mom.. kaya lang, she didnt understand the situation. i mean, yea.. i guess she tried. pero, ewan. she asked for his family background.. she asked how much. pero, WALA. her point is, they knew it's finals, beforehand, dapat nakapag-prepare na sila. stuffs like that. inexplain ko. pero. I FAILED.

i'm sorrrryyy!! :( i really wanted to help.. i really, really WANT to. AMBIGAT NG PAKIRAMDAM KO. dont worry, pag di ako pinagaral dahil sa failing grades. ipro-propose ko sa nanay ko na ikaw na lang pagaralin. kasi MATALINO ka dude. :( sayang..

nanghihinayang tlga ko. and i know, you'll be disappointed pag nalaman wala akong ipapahiram. :( im so] soorrryy!! :((

BBBRRAAAAPPPPSSS..

this guys are really awesome. :)

what sets them aside:

-i can be me, whenever i am with them.

-no shits, full friendship.

-laugh out loud, they dont care.

-cry with them, no frictions. they'll make u comfortable.

-get drunk. nothing will happen.

-full of thoughtfulness.

-full of love.

-no dull moments.

-LOVE+FRIENDSHIP= SPONGEBRAPS.

so far, THIS GUYS ARE THE BEST THING EVER HAPPENED TO ME. they made me feel so loved. they make me feel im important. my mom loves em.

i just cant imagine life without them.. to lift me up whenever im down. to make me strong whenever im weak. to accept me, even in my WORST MOODS. i love u guys.

i'll not ask for too much.. I JUST WANT YOU GUYS, TO STICK AROUND.

that's not too much to ask, right?!


KUDOS to us! :)

I'LL BE OVER YOU

Some people lives their dreams
Some people close their eyes
Some people's destiny
Passes by

There are no guarantees
There are no alibis
That's how our love must be
Don't ask why

It takes some time
God knows how long
I know that I can forget you

CHORUS:
As soon as my heart stops breakin'
Anticipatin'
As soon as forever is through
I'll be over you

Remembering times gone by
Promises we once made
What are the reasons why
Nothin' stays the same

There were the nights
Holdin' you close
Someday I'll try to forget them

CHORUS

[bridge]

As soon as my heart stops breakin'
Anticipatin'
Someday I'll be over you

As soon as my heart stops breakin'
Anticipatin'
Someday I'll be over you

As soon as my heart...

IM COMPLETE, BUT WHY AM I NOT HAPPY? 0221

it’s sunday. my mom’s not around. im alone.

i’m doing nothing and my place is freakin’ messed up. i feel lazy. ewan ko ba..

im watchin’ SOP’s new MESSED-UP TALENTS singing LADY MARMALADE. favorite ko yun, pero nairita ko nung kinanta nung mga babaeng magaganda pero wala namang degree sa pagkanta. dumagdag sa init na nararamdaman ko. bat kaya mainit? oo nga pala. malapit ng mag-summer.

know what? when i woke up around 11AM, di na maganda pakiramdam ko. mabigat. ewan ko kung dahil sobrang TABA ko na talaga. pero, hindi naman siguro. pinipilit ko mag-diet para mejo gumanda naman physical appearance ko.

kausap ko boyfriend ko sa telepono, pero walang kwenta. inaantok ako. di ako masaya pag kausap ko sya. wala ng kilig factor. yun yung pinagtataka ko e. kumpleto ako, pero bakit di ako masaya. meron akong nanay at tatay na binibigay lahat ng gusto ko, may boyfriend ako na mahal na mahal ako. may mga kapatid ako na nandyan pag kailangan ko ng kausap. may mga kaibigan ako na nagpapasaya ng araw ko. pero ewan ko.. parang may kulang.

matagal ko na nararamdaman to eh.. ewan ko talaga. meron bang ibang taong kagaya ko?.. KUMPLETO. PERO HINDI MASAYA.

eto nagpapaikot ng buhay ko.

MONDAY-SATURDAY — nasa school. minsan sinispag ako pumasok. madalas HINDE. napipilit lang ako ng mga kaklase/kaibigan ko. di na ko madalas mag-stay sa “EXTENSION”. ewan ko, di ko na gusto aura dun e. parang routinary kasi, pagbaba ko ng jeep sa umaga, pupunta ko dun. pag walang tao, mag-stay pa onti, pag wala pang dumating papasok ako. pag dating ko ng classroom, nakakaantok. GUSTO KO MAGING DEGREE-HOLDER. pero, tinatamad ako. gusto ko mga PROFESSORS ko, ang cool nga nila e. pero HINDI AKO MASAYA. bakit ba hindi pwedeng maging ka-close yung prof at pumasa. haha. :)) nakakaasar. alam kong bawal yun.. pero nagsasawa na talaga ko. mahal ko professors ko, pero yung subject nila, ewan ko lang.

pagkatapos ng MAHABANG ARAW sa school, tatambay o maglalakad kasama mga kaibigan ko. pag nagkayayaan. minsan, umaalis at pumupunta kung saan.. o nagdedesisyong MAGKALAS-KALAS na.

paguwi ko ng bahay..

Jmhie: ma. nandito na po ako.

Mama: (nagwi-wii/nagla-laptop/nag-ga-garden/nanunuod ng tv) OH. KUMAIN KA NA?

j: opo. bihis lang ako.

..pagtapos magbihis, kakain. kahit na sinabi kong kumain na ko.

m: oh, akala ko kumain ka na. wag mong pabayaan yang pinagkainan mo sa lababo, hugasan mo kagad.

j: opo.

m: kamusta school?

j: OK naman. bored na ko.

m: bored ka na naman?! oh, kelan ka magshi-shift ule?.. (di ko alam kung seryoso to o reverse psychology na lang.)

j: hinde. tatapusin ko na to.

m: hayy jusme. sana nga!

tapos, maghuhugas na ko ng pinagkainan ko, magla-laptop. MAKAKATULOG. tapos, paulit-ulit.
bored na ko. routinary na masyado buhay ko.

pag kasama ko naman boyfriend ko, di ako masaya. AS IN HINDE. alam nya yun. sinasabi ko sakanya, pero ayaw namin magkalayo kami. mahal ko naman sya, pero di ako masaya. sabi nga nya, baka daw dahil ganun para may masabing boyfriend ako, pero hindi naman. ayaw kong break kami. ayaw ko lang na magkausap, magkasama kami madalas. nagsasawa ako. andami nyang bibibigay, di naman ako natutuwa. madalas, thank u na lang nasasabi ko. anhirap no?

hayy nako.. ewan ko. di ko alam kung hindi ko na sya MAHAL. iniisip ko kung totoo yung pananaw nya na baka kaya ayaw ko syang mawala, para may masbing boyfriend ako, kung sya naman tatanungin mo, ayaw nya talagang mawala ako. answeet no? pero hindi ako kinikilig. hindi talaga.

sino ba pwedeng mag-explain ng nararamdaman ko?

abnormality ba to? jusko. wag naman sana.
antaba-taba ko na. lalo pa kong umitim kaka-lakwacha. hayy.. :(( wala ng nangyayaring improvement sa buhay ko..

TUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNGGGGGGG!!

I AM SUPPOSED TO BE FINE NOW.. 0218

have you experienced loving someone and frankly told you that they dont like you back?..

have you tried TELLING SOMEONE how insensitive they are and answered you “it’s better to be insensitive than to SHOW YOU that I LOVE YOU BACK.”?

have you ever GIVE THE WORLD to someone who doesnt even know how to appreciate every thing you give?..

well, if the answers are “YES”. better stop lovin’ that person.

i am supposed to be OK now. i know i dont have anything to expect. i’m HIS friend. and I AM SUPPOSED TO BE FINE with that. everything’s normal. everything’s already in their normal places again, and I LOVE WHAT’S HAPPENIN.

but.. just right after I’VE FINALLY DECIDED TO FORGET WHAT I’M FEELING. i’ve fell asleep.. i’ve dreamed about him, and AGAIN.. the feeling was PRESENT. it really hurts. and i’m wonderin why am i dreamin about how he laughs, how he cried, how he walk, how he do everything. I HATE IT. i am hurtin’.. but this time, ONLY ME KNOWS. (ofcourse, unless you’ve read my blog. eto lang outlet ko e. eto lang yung hindi nagre-react.) i wasn’t able to tell my friends about what happened, sinabi ko na sa kanila na magmo-move on na ko. kasi i’m hurting like hell. they believed me. kawawa naman EGO ko, bugbog na bugbog na siya. di nya na nga alam kung pano pa sya lulusot sa mga promises na di ko nagagampanan. kawawa.

… i dunno what happened to my old self, umalis na sya. yung dating strong, naging weak. yung dating may sariling decision, naging dependent. yung dating nabubuhay kahit mag-isa, ngayon, di na kaya. yung dating NEVERBEENINLOVE, ayon.. INLAB NA INLAB. arggghhh!! kelan kaya sya babalik?.. OMG. im DYING. i cant go on in a day na di ko sya nakakasama..

oh yea. here’s another confession. last week, birthday ng friend namin. i am not planning to go near him. (pero, i did go near him. i cant help it. hinahatak ako ng sarili ko na lumapit sakanya.) but this time, lumabas pagiging STRAIGHT-FORWARD KO. eto sinabi ko.

Jmhie: alam mo, gusto ko na lumayo sayo e. pwede ba lumayo ka na lang?.. kasi, nahihirapan na ko e.

whoever: bakit?..

J: eh mahirap na nga sa pakiramdam. insensitive ka kasi. *i pushed him away*

W: *he pulled me back* wag mo na kasi ko mahalin, masasaktan ka lang.

J: ano bang alam mo sa nararamdaman ko?.. wala naman di ba?..

W: akala mo lang wala kong alam, pero alam ko lahat.

J: alam mo naman pala.. *in the corner of my mind: just let me LOVE you, im not expecting anything in return. swear!*

…madami pang nangyari, madami pang nasabi. pero, NAKALIMUTAN KO NA. KINALIMUTAN KO. kasi masakit. sobrang sakit.

i dunno where to start. i want to forget everything. pero, i want our friendship to stay. pano?.. wala akong idea. wala. pano makakalimutan?.. kung lagi kayong magkasama, sudden change naman ata kung bigla kong lalayo. ampanget. ang bitter ng dating. kapag kinaibigan ko naman girlfriend nya, amplastik ng dating. pero, i want to be her girl’s friend. sobrang gusto ko, pero mangyayari lang siguro yun pag WALA na talaga feelings ko.

anhirap na, sobrang hirap na hirap na ko. i’m always VOCAL about what i’m feeling, but AS I SAID, HE CHANGED ME ALOT. sino-solo ko na lang. hayyy.. mahal kita. gusto ko na nga banggitin pangalan mo e, pero.. ayaw kitang mapahiya. i know i’m not the girlfriend type. tropa lang talaga ko pwede. taken naman ako. pero, ikaw nasa isip ko. hayy.. :((

i am SUPPOSED to be FINE now. pero pano?.. i cant LIVE without your presence.
ily,gbu.

i thought it was OVER.

he needs a friend.. and he's really in need of FRIEND'S WARM HUG.

he asked for it. i gave him a BEAR HUG..

i thought, IT WAS OVER.
but then, when i hugged him and felt he's cryin..

OMFG! why on EARTH my heart's palpitating so fast?!

i cried. i secretly cried.. for god's sake.. i dont know why!! walanghiya.

I THOUGHT.. I ALWAYS THOUGHT. I WAS SOO OVER HIM. pero, ANDUN PA RIN YUNG LINTEK NA FEELING.

AYAW AKO TANTANAN!!

"HAYAAN MO NA LANG.."

that is the word i keep on hearing until i go home from school.

well.. my friends told me to just GO WITH THE FLOW.

idk. life isn't kind to me this past few days.

everyone knows that I'M FREAKIN' GAGA OVER THIS GUY. (oh my. i'm sorry. yes. until now.)

why on earth im still asking if i'm important to him?
why am i still expecting him to give me attention?
why am i still goin GAGA over him?
gawwwrrrddd!!

ewan ko ha?.. pero, i keep on insisting myself that i've finally moved on. pero, tingin ko.. HINDI PA TALAGA. ang gulo!!

kanina, we're planning for another sleepover here at my place. our friend asked him if he can go. ewan ko kung nagpapapilit lang sya or he really mean it.. ayaw nya sumama. for the first time, na-bother tuloy ako kung bakit. andaming pumasok sa isip ko, like, naiilang na sya sakin, naiirita na sya sakin or pinipigilan na sya ng kung sino man na sumama samin. ewan. pero, isa lang naramdaman ko nung sinabi nya yun.. I WAS HURT.
kasi, he can say na
"ayoko, kasi may gagawin ako.",
"di pwede kasi nagpapa-good shot ako."
ok lang sana, kung ganun yung binitawan nya..

hindi e. ganito.. "hindi naman laging pwede e. dun ako magsleepover kila *********. kung gugustuhin ko naman, pwede. nasakin yung desisyon."

so what are those words for?! nananadya ba sya?! OMG. and to think, na nandun ako. *my tears really want to burst out, pero wala na. ubos na.*

i talked to my better friend. sabi nya, "hayaan mo na lang. habang pinapansin mo, lalo kang masasaktan, di ba sabi ko naman sayo, HINDI KA IMPORTANTE SA KANYA. i can feel it."
(eto ang problema sa friend ko na to, straight-forward. di nya inisip na nasasaktan ako. lol)

paulit-ulit nyang sinabi yun. feeling ko, lalo lang bumigat pakiramdam ko. :( lalo lang nagkaron ng lamat yung puso ko. an-corny ko. hayyy!!]

ayaw ko na.

i want to forget you. pero, gusto ko maitago friendship natin.

sana, makicooperate ka. hahayaan ko lang.. hahayaan ko lang. :(

NEW STUFFS for a NEW ME. :D

i've been looking for a blog site that's totally USER-FRIENDLY.

i'm not really used to use complicated sites, it makes me feel so lazy and not interested of blogging stuffs. it gives me a hard time.

good thing is, i found an ALL-NEW WORLD BLOGGING for me. :D

so, as of now.. i'll just keep the post comin'.. :D